Cousin Cole doesn't want to read this

Since reading a few months ago in my brother Steve's blog that one of his three-year-old twins, my nephew Cole, has . . . oh, let's just say "issues" . . . with Bard, the hand-puppet dragon from the popular series of Baby Einstein videos, I've chuckled every time I've caught sight of the scaley, green guy--Bard, that is, not Cole, who I see far too infrequently since he and his family live in San Diego. And since Zienna is at an age where images of Baby Einstein characters appear on age-appropriate clothing, toys, CDs and yes, videos we let her watch from time to time, I see Bard pretty often. And every time, I can't help but laugh or at least smile over the thought of an otherwise tough little boy being frightened of something so cartoonish and non-threatening.

It's not that I get some sort of sadistic pleasure over a child's fears, particularly those of a child whom I care about. Nor am I trying to single Cole out for ridicule, as my kids have fears of their own, rational and otherwise, and plenty of them. But Steve's description of the depth of Cole's Bardophobia was so amusing, as he likened Cole's impression of Bard to that of a classic movie monster and recounted how Cole admonished Bard "at least 50 times" not to appear in a Baby Einstein video, it even made Zach laugh out loud and at length.

So, with this image of Bard and his effect on children in mind, I had to also laugh when last week we brought home for Zienna a Baby Einstein Discover and Play Activity Center, only to find that one of its main features was a full-sized Bard hand puppet. How, I wondered, would Zienna react? Would she break out in terror-filled sobs and bury her head in fear? Would this spoil a fairly pricey and developmentally-important toy for her? And most importantly of all, would its effects saddle her parents with years of bills for expensive psychotherapy? These thoughts filled my mind as I brought Zienna over to the newly-constructed center and placed her in its stand-up seat.

Knowing full well that the mighty Bard had slayed the psyche of Zienna's much older and rough-and-tumble cousin, I watched with anticipation as Zienna spun the seat around, surveyed the impressive lineup of activities, and very quickly spotted Bard. As she did, her eyebrows raised noticeably, as she seemed to recognize Bard from the videos. And then, she reacted. How, exactly? The same way she does with everything she gets ahold of these days, of course. Completely fearless, Zienna grabbed hold of Bard, put his head in her mouth, and chewed on it. When you're six months old, the world is your teething ring, and aside from overly loud noises and a late feeding, you have very few fears.

Seeing Zienna's reaction--or lack of one--I broke out in hysterics, picturing how Cole would react if he saw Zienna not just in the presence of the dreaded beast, but actually handling it and placing it in her mouth. Never mind that he wouldn't realize Zienna wasn't old enough to be cerebral. He'd just see the act for what it was and in all likelihood, run from the room screaming in dread. (Aunt Kelly notes that in fairness, it's possible Zienna was scared to death but selflessly trying to consume the beast, sensing it had wrought mental anguish on her cousin in the past.)

For all I know, Zienna will one day share Cole's fear of Bard or for some other Baby Einstein character for that matter. Heck, I find those inane videos, let alone the ridiculous characters that inhabit them, scary myself! But for now, Zienna's my little dragon slayer, bold enough to bully a beast that can strike fear into the heart of a boy multiple times her age.

Then again, maybe my little tomboy needs to back off and soften up a bit. Zienna's bold, boisterous manner scared the heck out of a male friend her age during a playdate yesterday--another story alltogether--so perhaps it's time for a lesson in decorum and grooming one's self as a frail damsel, worthy and accepting of chivalry. Or not. You go get 'em, girl...