September photos: I see a pattern here

You know the song and dance by now--busybusybusy, Blogger issues, photos are late, surprisesurprisesurprise--so I won't belabor the point. The part you care about is that September's photos are, at long last, posted. About time, hmmm?

September was a pretty exciting month around the Hamilton Zone, and we managed to take quite a few photos to document it. There's Zane settling into the house and getting to know the kids, Zach and Zoë starting soccer in their new (Redding, CYSA) league, the family settling into the house, Zienna growing by leaps and bounds, and Mommy and the girls visiting Grandma and Grandpa Loop's. Lots of good stuff.

(Imagine that there are adorable sample images here to entice you to visit the gallery. You'll have to use your imagination, because Blogger issues persisting since Saturday have prevented me from posting any samples. Grrr!!!)

You can view September's gallery directly here or via the gallery page, located here. Oh, and please note one big change: Zipped, high-resolution files now have their own page, located at www.thehamiltonzone.com/gallery/zips. Just note the page number and the month of the gallery you're interested in, head to the zips page, scroll to your file, and use right click/"Save As" to download it. For your convenience, I've provided a link to the download page on each gallery page.

I realize having to access a separate page for zips is a bit more cumbersome than the direct page links I used to provide, but it cut down considerably on my upload time, which should help me post upcoming galleries in a more timely fashion. And we all know that would be a welcome improvement, eh?

Enjoy!

Happy birthday (and everyday) to me

Today is my forty-third birthday. It’s just a number, really, especially since I consciously stopped paying attention to birthdays once I turned forty, to the point that I now have to think before responding when someone asks me how old I am. And it’s just a day, really, aside from the fact that the kids make a semi-big deal out of it, and Kelly with and for them, as kids are wont to do. And though Kelly and I long ago stopped exchanging birthday gifts, figuring we got whatever we wanted throughout the year and didn’t feel the need to prove we cared about one another by exchanging gifts, we began buying them again when the kids became old enough to be taught the joy of giving. So, this time of year inevitably brings up the question: What do you want for your birthday?

When Kelly posed it to me last week, she really caught me off guard. What do I want? I don’t know. Quite honestly, nothing. How could I? In a year when we happily settled into a wonderful new town, welcomed Zienna warmly into the family, moved into our dream house, and complemented an already-satisfying package with a long-awaited canine companion, what more could I want? I know this sounds clichéd and corny, but I sincerely mean it. As I sit here today considering my lot in life, I recognize how fortunate I really am. I feel foolish for so often getting caught up day-to-day on what should be minor annoyances. And when all is said and done, I feel like the richest man in the world. Because I am.

Consider my treasures…

Zach is exactly the child I’d have chosen if given the opportunity to do so, as I so often tell him. Not just the idealized first child and the son I’d so desperately hoped for, he is a true friend, someone I'd want to hang out with even if he wasn't my kid, even at his young age. Time spent just paling around with him is some of the most satisfying in my life. Constantly, he finds some way to make me feel proud of him, whether it’s stepping in to help with his baby sister without being asked to do so, rubbing my shoulders when I’m tired or stressed and telling me how much he appreciates what I do for him, or finding some new way to excel at school or extracurricular endeavors. I sometimes feel he is better than I deserve. And before my eyes, he grows closer each day to the person I always dreamed he’d be back when I didn’t know what to expect from a child. I really couldn’t ask for more of him, which is why, after his birth, I was never sure if Kelly and I should rock the boat and have more kids.

Zoë, however, proved those doubts were unfounded. My little firebrand, she definitely keeps me on my toes—and beyond—but makes up for it in ways Zach cannot, in large part due to her gender. Beautiful inside and out, her huge heart typically wins out over the little devil that shares her soul, as it did last weekend when, upon learning it was a new friend on the block’s birthday, Zoë raced inside to retrieve one of her newest drawings—one she’d spent a great deal of time on—as a gift for her. That my brooding middle child is so often my own little emotional mirror is as enlightening as it can be maddening, particularly since she was the experiment that broke me into at-home parenting. I am convinced that if she’d been the only child, or even the oldest one, her personality would be much different. Because when it’s just me and her, she is sweet, obedient, precious and loving—just like she can be any other day, but without the rough edges. And she’s sharp as a tack to boot.

Zienna, coming when she did, has been a complete surprise, although I’ve not yet figured out whether it’s her, or me, that’s been responsible. Kelly and I decided to conceive Zienna more or less on a lark—albeit a lark that would take much longer to act upon than we’d hoped. Given my frequent struggles the first couple of years parenting Zoë full time, I was rather nervous about once again being home with a baby. Without a boob to satisfy it or words with which to reason with it, a baby frightens me. And yet, the past five months (to the day, as it’s Zienna’s five-month birthday today, too) have been, for the most part, ridiculously easy. Yes, there have been some days when she’s cried uncontrollably and Kelly has walked in the door to find me with keys in my hand, anxious to escape. But those days have been the exceptions. Zienna is happy at all times unless she’s happy or hungry, and cute as a bug. Her constant smile and huge, deep eyes warm my heart and confirm that yes, she was a good idea.

Which brings me to my wonderful wife. I could go on and on about how fortunate I am to have Kelly in my life, but if you’re reading this, you probably know us, in which case I’d just be preaching to the choir. The odds that we could meet so young, fall so deeply in love, and grow up together while simultaneously giving each other space to develop as individuals and maintaining our relationship were ridiculously long. And yet, as we log twenty-four years together and approach our twentieth wedding anniversary, I love her more now than ever, because I know for a fact that this is not just the person I wanted to be with, but the person I want to be with, forever. Where else could I find someone so beautiful, so intelligent, so loving and charismatic, with interests and qualities so complementary to my own? The answer is nowhere. I won the lottery. I married the cute girl next door I long ago fell in love with at first sight. Lucky me.

With such wonderful people enriching my daily life—along with friends and extended family members, each of whom has become increasingly important in my life with each passing year—I’d be hard-pressed to ask for more. And yet, since moving to Redding and escaping the drudgery of metropolitan life, then finally getting a house—a marvelous house—in which to raise my family, I’ve felt like the final pieces of the puzzle that is our family’s life have been set in place. What’s left is to step back and enjoy the resulting beauty, and to nurture and care for it, to ensure that it lasts. Little things like being fortunate enough to stay home with the kids and finding a buddy in a dog that I didn’t think I wanted are just icing on the cake. And on a day like today, they’re just more things for me to stop and be thankful for. Because if I don’t appreciate them—like this wonderful bunch of people I call my family—then it’s all wasted. Roses only smell sweet if you stop to inhale their fragrance.

So, before I get too sappy (Too late!), and getting back to Kelly’s question, I think it’s pretty obvious why I didn’t know how to respond to her. Oh, sure, I sent her some things off my Amazon wish list, just so the kids could say they got me something I “wanted.” But the fact is, I felt pretty foolish doing so, because I really don’t want for much these days. After years of rampant consumerism and always wanting this, that and the other thing—and suffering the consequences of chasing too much that I didn’t really want or need—I’ve discovered at forty-three that—duh—buying stuff doesn’t buy you happiness. It took me quite a while to figure it out, but at least I finally did. And you can be darn sure I, along with Kelly, am trying to teach that lesson to the kids.

Yeah, I’ll still smile when I open whatever it is the kids end up giving me and make sure they know I appreciate it. Then I’ll hug them like there’s no tomorrow, and Kelly along with them. And in doing so, I’ll be claiming my real gift—the one I really want, every year.

Hey, where'd those nine and a half years go?

When it rains, it pours, and for the third straight week, we've got portraits of the kiddos to share. Or lament just a bit, if, like me, you're even the teensiest bit bummed over how quickly they're growing up--particularly my nine-and-a-half-year-old, four-foot-ten, one-hundred-plus pound son. Yikes.

Join me on a quick retrospective, won't you? And don't worry, the big fourth-grader portrait is there if you keep scrolling.














As you can see, Zach's appearance hasn't changed a whole lot in the last four years--aside from his continued efforts to exceed my height before middle school, which isn't readily apparent in the photos. And, as I said about Zoë last week, when I look at Zach, unless I'm paying attention, I don't really see that big fourth grader in the last photo. I see that little guy sitting on my lap in the first one. And I imagine I always will--as it should be.

All I know for sure is, big or small, how much I love my buddy, what a great kid he is, and how lucky I am to be his dad. Every single day.

Predictably late, but (hopefully) worth the wait

Oh, sure, leave it to my super-organized brother Steve to post September photos of his kids before the first week of October is even over. C'mon, anyone can do that. Besides, I always was the rebellious one in the family, and it takes some originality--and a bit (OK, lately, a lot) of disorganization--to post your kids' photos a month late, rather than right on time. Keeps people guessing and all that.

Um, yeah. No, I don't buy it, either. Nor the excuses about how busy I've been lately (Ahem!).

Without further ado (or BS), please accept my apologies for the late post as I present the Hamilton Zone September, er, August gallery, viewable in the main gallery or directly here.




If we're lucky, I just might get September posted before the end of the month. But we'll have to wait and see about that, now won't we?

Meanwhile, does anyone have a few spare minutes I can borrow? I'll give 'em back when things settle down, honest...

Hey! Where'd those five years go?

If ever I needed a reminder about the importance of spending quality time with each of the Z Kids every single day and to appreciate them along the way, I stumbled upon one today. I didn’t see it coming, and it caught me completely off guard. But man, was it a doozie.

This morning, while doing drop-off detail, Kelly picked up Zoë's first "real" school portraits, taken just days after she started kindergarten. Excited not only because they came out so well but also because she took them, period--this is the girl who, for the second year in a row, was too scared to take soccer pictures and stares at the ground any time we try to take a family portrait--Kelly scanned one of the pictures immediately upon her arrival at work so she could share it.

Once I'd received Kelly's email, I was really thrown for a loop when I opened the attachment. Being home with Zienna full time, and given the similarities between Daddy's two girls, I frequently find myself calling Zienna by Zoë's name. And almost as frequently, I have little flashbacks--surreal to the point of being déjà vu-like--where I see Zienna doing something and I nearly forget for a moment that it's not Zoë. I find these occurrences both eerie and amusing, even if it upsets Zoë when I mix up her and Zienna’s names. After all, I’ve been home with Zoë since shortly after her first birthday, and when I look at her, I still see my baby girl, not the big five-year-old kid she’s become.

But seeing Zoë's portrait, I was broadsided. Poring into the monitor for what must have been two or three minutes, with Zienna babbling at my feet, a ridiculously wide grin made its way across my face, even as a lump grew in my throat and I unsuccessfully fought back tears. Where had my baby gone? This gorgeous creature gazing back at me was a sight to behold, but she was also an inescapable reminder of the fleeting nature of time. (And don't think I'm not tearing up again, because I am.) All at once, I wanted to drive over to the school, pull her out of class and hug her as hard as I could while telling her over and over again how much I love her, and how I want to be the father she deserves, even on days when I'm not. And how I'll always love her, no matter what--even on the challenging days (and there are plenty with Zoë, believe me).

But of course I couldn't do that, at least not at the moment. So I picked up Zienna in her absence, held her in as tight a death grip as she’d allow me, and told her in words I knew she couldn’t understand all the things I wanted to tell Zoë. I also made a vow, to her and to myself, to tell her siblings later in the day what I was feeling in terms they could understand, and to vow my unconditional love to them, now and forever, explaining why they are so important to me. Zach and Zoë are both amazing kids in their own unique ways, and while I may tell them I love them daily, I don't always show it in my actions. And that's not good enough.

It's raining today--a slight drizzle, and the first time in months--so yes, I'm feeling a bit introspective, and even melancholy. But after a hot, hectic summer, it's a good, calming feeling. And if it's got me in a frame of mind to stop and smell the roses--the most important roses in my life--then all the better. Because even if I can't stop them from growing, I have an obligation to feed, water and nurture them, and an opportunity--an amazing opportunity that I too often take for granted--to take in their sweet fragrance every day. And if something as simple as seeing my daughter's smiling face can serve to remind me of that...well, that's the sort of wake-up call this dad could not only use, but would welcome, any time.

Postscript: After picking the kids up from school, I kept my promise and expressed the feelings I’d had earlier in the day to both kids in terms I hoped they could understand. I must have gotten my point across, because shortly after we arrived home, Zoë, completely out of the blue, asked if she and I could have “Daddy time” by snuggling on the couch. She didn't even mind that I was watching the baseball playoffs, content just to be with me. Feeling all warm and fuzzy, I quickly put Zienna down for a nap and curled up with my big girl, who promptly fell asleep in my arms. What a feeling that was, and it served as another reminder of the important things I need to tend to more often, busy or not!