Where's Suzy Chapstick when you need her?

As you may have noticed in a few of the photos from August's gallery, Zienna's been struggling with a fairly major case of chapped lips. I'm not talking garden variety cracking and dryness, either. These poor things are ripped, raw and ragged. And they've been that way for about a month now, despite my and Kelly's efforts to moisturize them back to health.

Our pediatrician assures us this is pretty common and no cause for alarm. Still, it's hard not to get at least a bit concerned when every time you wake your two-year-old, there's blood smeared across her face, hands, chest and bed sheet. Zienna seems largely oblivious to it all, except for when she sees blood on her hands--especially fresh blood. Then, she either panics or gets frustrated (since, like her brother, she's a clean-hand freak), depending on her mood.

Both the doctor and a local pharmacist recommended Vaseline Lip Therapy, which is just fruit-flavored petroleum jelly. It did little to heal Zienna's lips, and despite the yummy, artificial cherry flavor, which I thought would be a sure selling point, Zienna did NOT want to wear it.

Part of the problem, confirmed by the doctor's nurse, is that the more uncomfortable Zienna's lips are, the more she licks, picks and otherwise fiddles with them. And the more she fiddles with them, the worse they get--which makes them even more uncomfortable. It's a vicious cycle.

So, while we haven’t resorted to $45-a-tube solutions from the “Lip Balm Smackdown," we have tried a succession of over-the-counter concoctions, every one a supposed miracle cure for even the most damaged lips. But so far, nothing's worked. And the more we smear goop of whatever flavor or consistency on Zienna's lips, the more she fights it.

Thus, our daily routine at the moment goes something like this:

• Retrieve Zienna from crib while assessing the level of overnight bleeding


• Distract her while stripping the crib’s sheet, if necessary


• Comfort her while wiping blood from her hands, cheeks and chest


• Apply balm as liberally as possible while avoiding flailing arms and hands


• Beg Zienna not to wipe balm off with the back of her hand


• Wipe excess from cheeks as a ploy to rub what remains into her lips


• Comfort her when bleeding caused by picking loose skin from her lips


• Apply balm as liberally as possible while avoiding flailing arms and hands


• Repeat steps as necessary until nap and, later, bedtime

Between this situation and the fact that until last night, Zienna had been constipated since Thursday, there’s been a distinct feeling of helplessness parenting around The Hamilton Zone lately. But darn it, if we got her to poop just as it looked like she might never do so again, we can mend her poor puss. At least I think we can.

One thing I’m betting on and thankful for: This ought to put an end to Zienna’s habit of sneaking into Zoë’s makeup and applying lip gloss in massive quantities, as she did last month. Heck, at this rate, she may not want to apply anything on her lips again, period.

Meanwhile, until the healing's complete, please don’t fault me if I favor Zienna's red crib sheet since it allows me to cheat on mouth maintenance when my conscience allows it. What she doesn’t see won’t disturb her, right? Right?